are you wondering if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist?
If you are wondering if you are or have been in a relationship with a narcissist, you likely know what it’s like to feel unseen, unheard, invalidated, gaslit, controlled or manipulated. Narcissistic abuse, a form of emotional abuse, can occur in childhood with parents, or later in life in romantic, platonic or professional relationships.
some common effects of narcissistic abuse include:
Narcissistic abuse can have a complex impact on your mental health- mind, body and spirit. Since this type of abuse is very covert, you may be suffering in silence and feeling disoriented by the manipulation and gaslighting. Here are some of the mental health impacts you may be experiencing:
– questioning your own decision making abilities
– lacking self-esteem and confidence
– feeling like you have to keep people happy and comfortable at ALL costs
– social anxiety and anxiety in general
– feeling hyper vigilant, on edge or like any second now the other shoe will drop
– difficulty focusing or concentrating
– becoming easily agitated when things don’t go according to plan
– excessive self-blame leading to rumination
– never feeling good enough
– depression
– betraying and quieting your own inner voice
– not knowing what you truly want, need and feel because what others think, want, need and feel is always at the forefront
– feeling shame for being yourself
– hiding parts of yourself believing that no one could truly and fully accept you
– feeling a sense of overresponsiblity for everything
– over functioning in relationships to the point of burn out
– brain fog, making poor decisions, forgetfulness
This type of emotional abuse leads to painful emotional loneliness which in turn impacts not only your choices in life but your physical, emotional and spiritual wellness. Moreover, your central nervous system including your vagus nerve, lives in constant fight/flight or shutdown mode leading to an imbalance in the body’s stress response causing chronic stress. Heightened stress responses can lead to emotional and physical dysregulation such as chronic pain, autoimmune disorders, emotional eating/cravings and increased/decreased appetite, decreased metabolism as well as sleep interference.
signs of narcissistic abuse
– micromanaging/controlling you
– putting down people/ideas/projects important to you
– saying the “harsh” truth
– mocking your pain/experiences/character
– gaslighting or manipulating
– constant criticism, belittling and shaming
– making jokes at your expense
– guilt-tripping you
– playing the victim to escape taking responsiblity
– financial control
– future-faking
– being told you are “imagining” things despite evidence to the contrary, blowing things out of proportion or being told you are too sensitive
– being constantly questioned or invalidated
– trying to convince you that what they are going through is worse so that you back off and they can take zero accountability
– using gossip/lies to control other’s perception of you while they present themselves as very charming to others
– using children (who are impressionable) or other friends/family members to create a false image of themselves while controlling and manipulating you
– comparing you to someone else in a devaluing manner
– idealizing you and devaluing you – alternating their behavior between being kind and cruel creating within you a need to constantly seek their approval or desire to be in their good graces
– rarely accepts blame, does not self-reflect and does not apologize
Narcissists see everyone as competition, thus having an emotionally healthy relationship with them is impossible without awareness and without experiencing some form of PTSD or C-PTSD. The most important part of the healing process is understanding that the way you feel about yourself is in direct response to this type of abuse versus there being something intrinsically wrong with you.
you deserve better- counseling for narcissistic abuse can help
Narcissistic abuse is our number one specialty at Mindfully Alive. Not only are we extremely passionate about this issue, but we have engaged in extensive training in understanding its effects, the evidenced-based interventions for the healing process and the intersectionality of narcissistic abuse on the highly sensitive person (HSP).
Firstly, we approach this type of abuse through a trauma-informed lens that encompasses healing from a mind, body, spirit perspective. Integrating somatic therapies and the most current knowledge of the impact of stress/trauma on the human nervous system we support your recovery to return to a natural rhythm of calmness in your body and reconnecting with yourself. Integration of the central nervous system is crucial because this type of abuse can become stored in the body as the brain can go ‘off-line’ when exposed to this type of chronic, prolonged stress. Through working with us, you will learn to regulate your nervous system by yourself.
We find that reality testing and building a new, more realistic and conscious sense of reality is critical for healing. Grounding in a new understanding of the bigger picture and understanding where manipulation and gaslighting has caused blind spots, is crucial.
Through the use of mindfulness and self-compassion, we will guide you to get in touch with and express emotions that might have been unwelcome or too scary to experience before.
We look at the role you’ve learned to play in relation to people and we help you discover who you really are- not what others expect you to be or what you think you have to be in order to feel loved or accepted. Common roles include: the peace-keeper, always putting others’ needs before yours. the helper, the calm one, the overachiever, the overly independent one, etc. Because there was no space or validation for your true self you may find out that you’ve been placating people in your life who feel really sure about things while neglecting yourself and your needs.
We may also rely on EMDR to shift mental and emotional paradigms or internal beliefs on a profound level. We have seen great success with this modality as our clients have expressed and integrated unconscious emotions and beliefs that were previously inaccessible.
In your therapeutic journey, you will also begin to understand that the narcissist only chooses people who are intelligent, kind-hearted, compassionate and well-liked to abuse. You will being to rediscover who you authentically are and reclaim your life.
You may call this chapter of your life: MY TURN
You CAN have reciprocal, mutually satisfying, deeply intimate and most importantly- SAFE relationships. In working with our specialized therapists, you will learn how to set boundaries, how to identify your needs, how to reclaim your personal power, your voice, your identity, your relational needs and your intuition. You will learn to release stored trauma from your body and you will be supported to dig deep inside and find the courage to break free from this type of intergenerational trauma. Above all, you will learn that you deserve more- more of your needs to be met, more of your feelings to be empathized with, more of mutual respect and understanding. You will learn to give this love to yourself so you can recognize it and expect no less from others.
